Monday, November 20, 2006

Lazy and Poor

I've had a pretty unproductive weekend yet again. I wasn't scheduled in to work, so had the whole two days off. On Saturday I slept til 3pm, and was still ready for bed again by half 10!
I have come to the conclusion that I'm never going to 'win' NaNoWriMo. There's little hope of me writing just under 40,000 words in two weeks. And it's all my own fault. I'm not sure whether it's just plain laziness or 'mental exhaustion', but either way, my brain would rather veg out in the evenings than create a novel (even a poorly written one). My stringent budgeting this month (£5 a week food budget - oh yes!) has meant that I still have cash at the end of the month, but it's exhausting and depressing living on the poverty line, especially when I have friends four - five years older than me who can afford houses and posh cars and brand named food products, and vegetables and things like that. I could do with a holiday, but obviously I can't afford one. I'll be working til I drop, I guess.
I've figured out how Nox (my NaNoWriMo heroine) is going to escape the mental institution, which had me stumped for a while, but actually getting down to writing it is hard. I'm going to keep writing the story after NaNo has finished, and hopefully turn it into something worthwhile. There's just not enough hours in the day. And poisoning myself wth caffeine and staying up later and later to try to get things done is making me ill (physically and mentally). Sometimes I wish I was passionate about accounting or something else practical, and then at least I'd be well off, in a secure job, with proper employment structure and progression, rather than scribbling away at a quarter past midnight each night with the vague notion that one day someone will read my scribblings and offer me some money for it. Sigh. This post is turning into a bit of a rant, and it wasn't meant to be. Think I'll go and make a cup of tea, and hopefully I'll feel better afterwards.


morphean ramble said...

i think the reason we do it, compared to these people who enjoy their 'real' jobs is that we don't have any choice - it'll find its way out even if you don't want it to.

don't want to be a grey person, lucy

Sabrina Mei-Li Smith said...

Yeah thats true. I always said my head would explode if i wasnt writing. thats why writers block is suck a curse!

morphean ramble said...

exactamundo - have you seen the tv adaptation of Stephen King's IT, where the bubble full of blood is coming out of the sink plug hole

just like that