I Wanna Live Forever!

Well, on Wednesday I went to audition for the BBC Fame Academy bursary, and I felt like one of the kids from Fame, though without the legwarmers and leotards. I had been shortlisted by the BBC from over one thousand applicants down to 260, so thought I shouldn't miss the opportunity to audition, which was held at Central. We had polaroid photos taken and were divided into groups of about 15 people, and then went into one of the rehearsal rooms and had a performance warm-up with a pro-actor/coach. We then had to perform our songs for a panel of three judges, using the best pianist I have ever heard (one girl had forgotten her music and he played the song from his memory!). Everyone did really well, but the judges decided to chose the pale guy who forgot his lyrics. Oh well. Afterwards, our little band of reject Fame-kids decided to go to the pub, only to realise that it was not yet 11 and the pub was closed. So we set out on our "Big Adventure" to try to get cheap Wicked tickets. Some of us made it all the way to Leicester Square's half-price ticket hut before realising that this was probably not such a good plan, as we all had lives to be getting on with, but the idea of doing something so spontaneous after performing in from of 19 people in a little room was rather nice. Once we had gone our separate ways, I then proceeded to wander the streets of London for about seven hours carrying my suitcase that must have weighed about 2 stone, and, consequently, I am still knackered.

I knew in advance that I wasn't going to get the bursary, and was kinda dreading the interview part if I had have been called back for the afternoon - I had no idea what I really wanted the money for! I mean, going to drama school would be great, but the sensible side of me says "it's not worth getting into debt for over £20,000 as there's no guarantee that I'll get a job afterwards". Also, I just kept thinking about my writing, and how it would have to go on the backburner if I decided to go to drama school, and this idea really did upset me after a while. I'm not one of those Fame kids - I think I did a pretty good impression of one on Wednesday, and everyone thought I was about 7 years younger than I am, which was good, but I'm just not that driven, like them. I really admire these kids, because they seem so sorted and know exactly what they want (some at 17 years old!), but I just don't have that instinct to get up and do a song and a dance in the middle of the tube station. I've spent most of my life wishing I was invisible, so why I ever thought that drama school would be the place for me, I don't know. I like singing, and I'm good at it (I gave a "classy" audition, apparently, and was one of the stronger singers there), but I think I will save it for amateur shows and my singing lessons. I want to be a writer. I've wanted to be a writer since I was about 7 years old. So that's what I'm going to do!